Contemplation
by il labirinto
Summary: She deeply breathed in the icy air and tried to keep calm but her emotions continued their attempt to spiral out of control.Love, anger, sadness, confusion. She struggled to keep them within her grasp but they slipped out between her fingers like sand.


**Disclaimer:** Pretty sure that if I owned Teen Titans or any of the characters associated with the show or comics, I wouldn't be writing sappy fanfiction on the internet.

**Author's note:** This is my first Teen Titans story, so hopefully it didn't come out too awful. Raven's a tough character to write but she's my favorite and her feelings (platonic or romantic) towards Beastboy just fascinates me.

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><p>The wind lazily brushed against her skin, raising goosebumps upon the ivory surface. A shiver passed through the very base of her spine, the fabric of her soft cloak not enough to keep her warm against the chilly air. She clutched the ends of the dark material, bunched it in front of her chest and attempted to stop her teeth from chattering. Her hood was up as usual. If anyone were around, they would not be able to see her pale bottom lip pulled tightly in between her teeth or her wide amethyst eyes soaking up the view in front of her due to the shadow it had cast upon her face.<p>

The mountain she stood upon was in the beautiful stage between winter and spring. The snow that had covered its caps in sheets were beginning to thaw, leaving patches of green grass in between clumps of white. Flower buds had shyly peeked out from the ground, stretching their stems towards the winter sun. A river cut its path on the side of the mountain and the water lazily streamed down. All in all, the scenery was the picture of tranquility, a far contrast from the storm within Raven.

Raven clutched her cloak even tighter as a gust of wind blew past and looked up at the clear blue sky. She deeply breathed in the icy air and tried to keep calm but her emotions continued their attempt to spiral out of control. Love, anger, sadness, confusion. She struggled to keep them within her grasp but they slipped out between her fingers like sand. Pebbles around her feet began to tremble from her inner turmoil but she paid it no mind. They were a small sacrifice in order to prevent the destruction she could unleash if she allowed herself to embrace her emotions.

But maybe that was the problem, she thought to herself. Maybe this was just like Wicked Scary. By not admitting to herself that she was scared, her powers got out of hand. She couldn't fully wrap her head around it though. How could she? There was no plausible way that Beastboy actually felt that way towards her. It was probably some dare Cyborg and Robin had made him do. It wouldn't be the first time they had dared their green teammate to do something crazy involving her.

Raven couldn't help but wonder why so many of Beastboy's dares included her anyways. She had figured that it was because her anger was amusing to her male teammates but the amount of times their leader and half-robot friend made Beastboy show some form of attention that didn't really fall into the prank category were ridiculous. And not to mention the deep blush on the changeling's face whenever he wrapped his arms around her shoulder or morphed into a kitten and attempted to cuddle with her. The empath wondered if maybe Beastboy's confession was sincere and that Cyborg and Robin were just tormenting him into acting upon his feelings for her.

A dark chuckle escaped her mouth and Raven shook her head slightly. The pebbles around her feet now laid still before her and she smiled sadly at them. He had seemed so sincere as he stood before her, sheepishly rubbing his neck while he stared at the floor. To say she was shocked when he exclaimed, "Raven, I've had to biggest crush on you for months," would have been the understatement of the year. Never could she have imagined that he reciprocated an ounce of the emotions she felt towards him. And it was just that doubt that caused her to teleport the hell out of the roof and to the mountain she now stood on.

As she stood atop the chilly mountain miles away from Jump City, Raven couldn't help but realize that she acted irrationally. She's an empath, for Azar's sake. She should have been able to tune into Beastboy's feelings and know whether his confession was genuine. She could use the excuse that she had just meditated as much as she wants but it doesn't take away the fact that she was afraid.

She was so scared.

And it wasn't the type of fear that things like Wicked Scary produced. It wasn't the raw, aching, adrenaline pumping fear that battling against villains who actually had no qualms against killing her or her friends produced. It was different-and far worse than any of these fears. It made her gray face burn red while her heart pumped and she battled every basic human instinct in her to flee somewhere where she could not get hurt.

Her palms were sweaty despite the cold air that surrounded her. Raven couldn't wrap her mind around it. She couldn't. To accept that anyone could possibly feel any form a romantic affection for her tore away all the ideas that have been crammed inside her head since birth. She's half-demon, the portal that was supposed to cause destruction and death upon an entire planet. How could anyone feel anything other than disgust upon the sight of her gray skin and purple eyes?

Beastboy wasn't just anyone, though. He was possibly the kindest person she's ever met, the only person who could compete with him over the title was Starfire. In battle, he would jump in front of any of the Titans and take a blow for them instead of letting them take a hit he knew they could handle. He gave up eating meat just because he understood what it was like to be one of those species, even though he's mentioned once how delicious the aroma smelled to his sensitive nose. Children crowded around him whenever he left the tower, asking for his autograph or a hug, and he smiled while shifting to various animal forms for their entertainment. He fell in love with a broken girl with no home, gave her a friend she needed, and even after she betrayed them, Beastboy was still willing to forgive Terra despite her claims of not knowing who he was talking about.

Raven simply could not fathom how someone so special and _good_ could even view her in enough positive light to even feel any inclination of friendship towards her, especially considering the way she's been treating him for the past few years. But she understood now that she had been simply idiotic to storm out of the tower when Beastboy would never lie about anything like that. She knows he hides his negative feelings away behind his jokester mask. It's no secret to her but other than that, she knows he would never lie about his feelings unless he felt it would no more harm than good. And she's pretty sure that he if truly did have a crush on her, the pros heavily outweighed the cons. Sure, her powers may get out of control with strong emotions sometimes, so she could never be as affectionate as he might want her to be (not that she would ever be as mushy as Starfire, a lifetime of repressed emotions could never amount to the way Starfire lets hers free)and yeah, she's not exactly the typical girl for any guy to fall for. Raven's just convinced that maybe they won't be the most conventional couple, actually they will be the most unconventional couple on the planet (a half-demon and a changeling, it doesn't get stranger than that), but they could be good together. Yin and Yang weren t famous for nothing. Balance. They could balance the other. He could bring her out of the darkness she secluded herself in while she could keep him grounded in reality for a little while.

The purple-haired empath took in a deep breath, let it out, and smiled softly at the peaceful scenery around her. She knew that their path wasn't going to be an easy one but she was willing to try. Beastboy took the first step by admitting his feelings and now she had to meet him halfway by showing him that she reciprocated them. Raven's petite figure is engulfed in black and the mountain was left devoid of human life.

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><p><strong>AN:** So there you go. Please leave a review stating constructive criticism. This story is a bit sloppy but I haven't written in a while, sorry.


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